everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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