If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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