Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
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Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
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You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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