She said her name was "party"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
