just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You can't just leave with hair like that
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
