my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
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I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
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You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have fence marks all over my body
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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