from now on my penis is your penis
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
