I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
