the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
