She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
