Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
