Where is the hickey?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
