Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
