first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
