how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
