Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
