I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
