I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
