Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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