I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
whose parrot is this?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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