he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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