Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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