i permit you to call me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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