How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
