He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
