why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
