i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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