I want you more than these girls want KFC
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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