Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
