I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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