Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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