Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
