That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
