Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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