haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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