I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
