Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
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