you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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