Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
