she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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