he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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