I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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