you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
