his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
