I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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