I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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