We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
