What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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