So drunk its hurt
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She even gives head with a lisp.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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