I intend to get homeless drunk
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Damn victory sex feels great
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
