why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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