i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
