i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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