How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That accounts for only three of the penises
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
