im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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