rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
