I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
