you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
