White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
