I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
