I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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