you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
