I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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