just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She needs sedatives and a leash
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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