yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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