Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
another moral hangover. fuck.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
