I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
