I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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