The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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