I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
