When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
