I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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