I just threw up on my dentist
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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