I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
