So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
