Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
